A Means To No End

I don’t know when it started, but somewhere along this journey to unemployment I developed a love. Ever since I can remember, I have loved shopping. Many of you may be thinking, “what girl doesn’t love shopping?” and I am here to tell you, there are quite a few of these people; I am not one of them. The beautiful thing about shopping is there are so many different forms of it.

I love clothes and although my drawers and closets may be overflowing and bursting at the seams, I can never have enough. There’s something about that feeling of euphoria that I get when I have found that perfect top. It’s a high that cannot be explained. With so much free time on my hands I have been lucky enough to frequent malls, boutiques, and discounted fashion stores. When I cannot leave to go peak into these stores, I make time to check store websites and put items into my cart that I most likely will never buy. Some of you may be wondering why I am writing about my love for shopping and what it has to do with being unemployed and looking for work. The problem with unemployment is a lack of funds. When I was in college my parents gave me a weekly allowance which was to be used for entertaining myself and food. My problem was that if I found a piece of clothing I truly loved (which happened often) I would forgo food shopping and instead put my money somewhere I could actually see it: my closet.

After racking of credit card bills from Nordstrom, Urban Outfitters, Bloomingdales, etc., I think my parents started to gain insight into this addiction. Unfortunately they are no longer willing to support my passion and I am stuck scrounging for money and buying items I really cannot afford.

My love for shopping does not stop at clothing. Recently my friend and I have decided to become roommates in Washington D.C. Our plans are great and our dreams are vast, but our wallets are thin and continuing to get thinner. While I’ve been spending my money on unnecessary additions to my closet and road trips to whatever gets me away for the weekend, she’s been spending her money gallivanting through Europe without a care in the world. Clearly this is not the ideal situation for apartment hunting, but we seem to think it will work. My niche in shopping has now shifting from clothing to apartments. As I sit on my computer searching for the ideal two bedroom two bathroom apartment with walk-in closets, a gourmet kitchen, and balconies, (all for less than $2,000 in the heart of D.C.) my mind starts to wander to what comes next.

My focus doesn’t stay in one place for long before I am on furniture websites, picking out each and every detail to our apartment. Look M, this tiny side table would be perfect for our living room! Its only $400 obviously we will have to have it. Now I’ve found us the perfect sofa, it’s small, but amazing. We’ll need two so we can each lounge; another $1600. Within 30 minutes we had our ideal living room and dining room picked out for a cool cost of approximately $4,000 without ever thinking about bedroom furniture or kitchen appliances.

When I get something in my head I obsess over it until I make it happen. Moving out and getting my own apartment is not an option so much as a necessity for my sanity. My family is crazy and they don’t seem to understand or appreciate the things I love to do. These days my parents have taken the joy out shopping by telling me I cannot afford it anymore and I have enough. Rather than feeling happy about my purchases, I just feel guilty and instead sneak my clothing into the house rather than show it off.

I want to move out of my house. I want to be able to wake up when I see fit, not when I hear my stepmother screaming for the dog to come back in the house at 7:30 in the morning. I want to be able to go food shopping and buy exactly what I want, not go into a food store and have my father tell me I can pick two things for myself. I want to come home at 5 o’clock in the morning and not have my parents demand to know where I am in the middle of the night. But most importantly, I just want to leave. So maybe I don’t have a job and maybe I don’t have money, but if getting an apartment is anything like getting that $500 pair of boots that I had to have, I will certainly make it happen.